There Is Nothing That Causes Me Surprise.

...


Having an alias on hex-net is a curious pastime ... with which I did yet another meme.

Hmm. Mistress Esmeralda Weatherwax is a very interesting personality. *Ponders*

...

...


Hex-networks are very amusing. I have an account under an alias. I felt the need to contribute to the 'fictional accounts' that abound in these.

...

...

</form>

How will you be suspended from LJ? by Anonymous LJ User
Username
Years on LJ
Snape	HotNot
Hours left until your suspension	34
Your crime	Aberforth/Frank the Goat fanart.
Who reported you	v_haystack
Your fate	Back the next day on one of your many sockpuppet accounts.

*Raises an eyebrow* Indeed.

...

…


It has been a curious time since I began exploring the virtual domains of Hex. It appears that there are numerous people, both from our world and Roundworld, who write out accounts about our people and place these in the Hex – domains.
I read one such at http://community.livejournal.com/discworld/697947.html, created (?) by one with the virtual identity of charliesmum. (One wonders who this 'charlie' is as well to the real identity of the user of said identity.)
The very nature of this particular hex-post invited me to put --- shall we say --- pen to paper, about it, in my hex-journal.

The hex-post in question bears the subject – matter :- 'My very first fanfic for Pratchett'.

Followed by 'Just a little thing that crossed my mind the other day. Not sure why.

Hope you like.'

'Pratchett' refers, without doubt, to one Mr. Terry Pratchett, who, if I understand correctly, is a resident of Roundworld and who writes extensively and at length about the denizens of our world, which accounts are perused avidly by the denizens of Roundworld. This is not surprising, considering the amount of drama generated by situations created here by magic. Add to this the fact that on Roundworld, though magic is present plentifully, the training required to harness and use it is unavailable to the denizens, and one is certain to be able to understand the motivations behind the eager perusal of Mr. Pratchett's accounts. If there is one thing I've learnt in my dealings with the mental propensities of living creatures in my extended dealings with them, it is that the mind craves to watch, think about, and discuss drama. Excitement certainly is the strongest intoxication for minds. For any mind. Over and above everything else. It is not surprising that there were rulers of domains on Roundworld who advocated the prescription of 'Bread and circuses' for their subjects in order to 'keep them happy.' This is satisfactory on nearly every level, as the 'Times' are taking great care to provide the 'circuses' on a daily basis. Also, with von Lipwig handling the postal matters, Commander Vimes heading the Watch, Mrs. Cake and Mr. Shoe as respected citizens here, the presence (I prefer not to use the word 'escapades') of the respected faculty members of the Unseen University, and most importantly, the continuous availability of vegetables that have grown into unusual shapes, one remains perfectly assured of an uninterrupted supply of 'drama' to the 'Times' for featuring.

Speaking of bread --- the said foodstuff I was served with yesterday was of exceptional quality. It appears that this particular batch had been sent over from a bakery financed by Chrysoprase. This is reassuring in a way, as it cuts down the time I usually spend on evaluating said foodstuff before consuming it.

Coming back to the contents of http://community.livejournal.com/discworld/697947.html :-

… …


My thoughts about http://community.livejournal.com/discworld/697947.html will have to continue here a little later, as Wuffles appears to require some personal attention at the moment.

...


( Earlier one ... )

...


The new icon here -

...



The first meeting with some of the prominent citizens of the city went reasonably well.

Boggis detailed that two dead members of his Guild were killed by the use of unusually large pins that had been used to sever their spinal cords and was vehement about the deaths of two of his Guild members and accused Downey of 'being random.'

Downey, as always, was dull, and replied that he didn't see how his guild's business was in any way anyone else's concern though he wasn't at all aware of any contract involving the inhumation of anyone from another guild.

Slant, the most annoying zombie I am acquainted with, had to interject that the death of Thieves Guild members could have legal repercussions.

Selachii and Rust were entirely off the mark (as is always expected of them) and began expounding their viewpoints on the supposedly poor security for the inhabitants of the city. They also suggested that Burleigh stop creating unusual (and therefore unrecognisable weapons) and selling his merchandise without verifying the antecedents of the prospective buyer / s.

Burleigh insisted that he was perfectly within his rights to sell his 'stuff' to whoever pays the right price but also denied all knowledge of being commissioned for any unusual weapons whatsoever. At this point, I dearly wished to tell them about the many ways there are to inhume someone without actually using any weapon, but desisted, with some effort.

Carney (Guild of Engravers and Printers) was looking surprisingly discomfited and was pointlessly verbose before finally admitting that the murder-weapons used were, infact, a pair of large pins originating from the Engravers' Guild.

It seems to me to be a simple case of confrontation between the thieves who tried to steal possibly valuable metals from the Engraver's Guild and engravers who stay up all night.

A detailed investigation on the part of the Watch would assist towards a confirmation of my conjecture.

Overall, the city seems to be functioning quite normally, apart from occasional nano-imp incidents such as Drumknott's tea going up in flames yesterday.

…


Re – The Press, the Post and the Clacks


The daily newspaper brought out by de Worde appears to be showing the ‘a’s and ‘A’s once again.

I would like to request Mr. de Worde (or perhaps send a Hex-Letter to him) that he publicise this matter of imps as soon as he is able to in the ‘Times’, as the city must be warned.

Before I had left Ankh-Morpork, de Worde had requested an interview, apparently in order to complain in detail about the fact that he was being put to great inconvenience because of having to get his ‘a-blocks’ reconstructed, which I had asked Drumknott to refuse on my behalf. I had also suggested that de Worde be advised to meet Sir Samuel Vimes, with Mr. Chriek accompanying him, in order to lodge his complaints through proper official channels.

;)

I wonder if Sir Samuel Vimes has been able to meet these two estimable citizens of our fair city who are entirely dedicated to bringing the whole truth of all matters that come to their notice to the citizens of Ankh-Morpork.

If he did meet them, I would be pleased to have a full report from him about the meeting (if only in order to hear about his aversions to both vampires and Mr. de Worde ; and endeavour to elucidate in my own mind --- which of the two he loathes more).

;)


Also, prior to my departure, I had sent word to von Lipwig to meet me at his convenience in order to discuss with him the minor matter of the spontaneous combustion of stamps. Apparently, the juice of cabbages have contributed to this phenomenon. I wished to request him to explain how cabbage-juice came into contact with postal-stamps. I also need to discuss with him the matter of his future consultations with Major Blouse (of Borogravia) about the application of the ‘squeezing algorithm’ in the clacks system of sending messages.

It occurred to me later, however, that I would prefer not to have von Lipwig anywhere near my personal Portable Hex.

Perhaps he could be persuaded to send me a Hex-Report on these stamps.

I shall ask Drumknott to send him a new commuunication to that effect.


Wuffles remains in good health. Drumknott remains well. All in all, matters are as they should be.

…


Re – The City


I had sent word to the Captain (before I’d left rather precipitately for the visit to the Roundworld) to ask him to give a message to Samuel Vimes to come over to the Oblong Office in order to discuss with him how this latest matter of imps are affecting the dwarfs, the undead population, the gnomes, the zombies … and subsequently, Sir Samuel has been most conscientious in investigating the diverse populace of our city.

His Hex-post details that ‘The zombies don't seem to be effected, the rest of the undead don't care, the dwarfs are threatening to decapitate (or at least de-kneecap) the alchemists guild unless they pay for what had previously been their mining tools, and the trolls just haven't noticed. It's the humans that are the problem.’

Therefore, there has been no exhibition of uncharacteristic behaviour from our citizens. As yet, that is.

I wonder though, about the gnomes --- who are the most perceptive race here apart from the vampires and the werewolves. Perhaps Sir Samuel could be requested to discuss the matter with Corporal Swires and afterwards visit the Palace to acquaint me with the results ?

I should also like to ask Sir Samuel about how the ladies in the watch are doing as many of them are from Uberwald and as such, are among the most valuable assets of the city.

However, if it so happens that Sir Samuel overshoots the time specified for the meeting (5:25 PM, Any Day), following which (in his own words – ‘Doesn’t bleeding matter whether ‘m supposed to be meeting the damned sneaky bastard, or ‘m supposed to be meeting the bloody gods, ‘m going to be home by six o’ clock !’) he will need to be at his home with his young child, I shall contact lady Sybil to assist Sir Samuel in preparing a Hex-post of the information I require. With Sybil’s assistance, he would be able to convey his account through the Hex to me before night-fall, which will be adequate.


Ms. Cherie Littlebottom has been most conscientious and I am delighted to learn from an amused Hex-post of Mr. Shine that the Low King Rhys Rhysson is pleased with the results of Ms. Littlebottom’s explorations of the sartorial.

Mr. Shine also mentions in his post that Cpl. Nobbs has been endeavouring to introduce Brick to some curious games during their ‘break-times’ at the Watch-house. I shall need to request Sir Samuel to expressly stop Cpl. Nobbs from fraternising with the newer, young and impressionable members of the Watch.


Lady Margolotta seems to be increasingly unable to keep her interests confined to the Uberwald itself. Lady Salacia von Humpeding remains in regular correspondence with her. And now, Lady Delphine von Uberwald appears to be cultivating her acquaintance as well.
However, while Lady Margolotta is unlikely to be able to succeed in actually interfering in the matters of the city, I do believe she needs her diverse interests to pass her interminable time.


The Captain hasn’t been to the palace in quite a long while. I wonder if he’s too busy repairing the consequences that result daily in the Watch from Sir Samuel’s unorthodox ways of dealing with Watch matters.
I also wonder if I should try requesting Mr. Stibbons to develop a ‘comma-check programme’ for the Captain’s use on the Hexes.

;)

I do believe I am expressing my amusement at the thought of the Captain even deigning to use the ‘comma-check’ feature (provided such a complicated programme can be developed and included in the Hex; but then, there is little that is beyond the scope of Leonard’s mind) by using the above ‘emoticon’.
It is likely, however, that Sybil would be pleased to have this feature for the use of her son, and also for Sir Samuel (whose view on inserting punctuation in his Hex-reports is ‘Damn ! I’ll put them in as I can, and I can’t be bloody arsed to recheck ! You think I have time to recheck commas ? Dammit ! The bugger at the Palace can correct it before reading my reports if he’s so upset about wrong punctuation ! Damn him !’)

;)

Sir Samuel never fails to entertain me. Indeed, he’s like a breath of fresh air in a scorpion-pit filled with mimes confined in it.


Note - to Drumknott – Please send messages to the leaders of all the Guilds and schedule a meeting after lunch either tomorrow, or the day after. The meeting may continue till late. Therefore, refreshments require to be arranged for a possible teatime recess.

…


Re – Portable Hex, the Roundworld and miscellaneous personal memos …


I have been given the first ‘Portable-Hex’ created by Mr. Stibbons and Leonard.

Mr. Stibbons is quite diligent in explaining to me the workings of this ‘Portable-Hex’ he has created for me. He seems to regard me with much kindness, which I attribute entirely to his complete ignorance of the realities of Ankh-Morpork.

The Archchancellor was quite excited by the fact that this particular Hex is portable and decided to persuade Mr. Stibbons, Leonard and myself (earlier in the month) to accompany him on a visit to the Roundworld by using it. Apparently, his enthusiasm for the game of cricket knows no bounds and he dearly wished to examine a game from closer quarters.

(Prior to this, the Archchancellor had stopped pointing his staff at all and sundry and shouting ‘Howzzat’ only after the Librarian removed his staff unbeknownst to him for a day to the upper reaches of the Tower. Mr. Stibbons seemed to have suggested to the Librarian that this be done after the end of the last ‘cricket match’ Ridcully watched on ‘HEX’.

The Archchancellor had also sent me word at the time that he had found a curious bit of news through the ‘HEX’. This ‘news’ apparently had its source in the Roundworld.

I am still wondering whether to discuss this with my ‘adamantine friend (whose assumed name the person featured in the ‘news’ appears to share.
Possibly I shall not do so, as the person featured in the ‘news’ seems to be made of flesh and blood, rather than of only carbon atoms, in each of which all unpaired electrons have been covalently bonded to the same in the other adjacent atoms.)

Roundworld is an interesting place, possessing numerous parallels to our little world. Leonard was surprisingly excited about this and made numerous sketches of things and people he became interested in. Mr. Stibbons seemed oddly impressed by the similarities and dissimilarities, between the Roundworld and our little world supported by A’tuin, and made copious notes in his large ‘notebook’.

Apart from travelling and observing, we attended a ‘cricket-match’ where I keenly observed the person who resembles Captain Carrot Ironfoundersson so exceedingly.
There appears to be many points of similarity between the two men, such as general appearance, stature and a keen mind hidden behind an apparent simplicity and an ever-smiling friendly demeanour.
The person in question also seems just as oblivious to racial and species issues as is our dear Captain.
On the humorous side, he also appears to deal with punctuation very similarly to the Captain’s way of doing so.

The Archchancellor was extremely interested in meeting the ‘players’ of this game, which I thought was quite imprudent on his part. Between Mr. Stibbons and myself, we succeeded in dissuading him from doing so while Leonard remained absorbed in calculating some form of symbolical mathematics in his little notebook.

A few hours later, my ‘Portable-Hex’ seemed to brighten and flicker, and so did the Archchancellor. A few moments later, the Archchancellor disappeared.

Mr. Stibbons was quick to assure me that this didn’t mean that harm had befallen the Archchancellor. It was merely that he and Leonard had ‘programmed’ this ‘Portable-Hex’ so that if any one of us needed to return to Ankh-Morpork due to urgent circumstances during our tour of the Roundworld, the ‘Portable-Hex’ would create the thaumaturgic space continuum passage for him to return to the city instantaneously.

I found the Archchancellor back with us after a few more hours and he recounted pleasant tales about meeting Lady Sybil at a party she appears to have been hosting in her house during the span of his disappearance from our company.

After a rather long tour, we returned from the Roundworld. (I shall record the details of my travels subsequent to my perusal of the reports that have accumulated in my absence.)

The city appears to have been sufficiently peaceful during my absence from it. Perhaps I should travel a little more than I hitherto have … and while the Archchancellor is excitable company (though extremely helpful in all matters), Leonard and Mr. Stibbons are excellent company to travel with.

However, the Nano-Imps appear to have become active once again.

Today, I invited Drumknott to acquaint me with the happenings in the city during my absence. He seemed nonplussed and began to explain that he would attend me as soon as he had finished his coffee, on which I requested him to join me with his coffee while I had my usual glass of boiled and cooled water. After an awkward pause, he acquiesced and joined me in the Oblong-Room, upon which his cup of coffee transmuted into a cup of flames.
It was curiously amusing to see the look of consternation on his face.

On the other hand, I was pleased to hear that his mother remains in good health. He left the Oblong Room in good spirits following our conversation. I believe Drumknott is happy working with me towards the overall betterment of our interesting city.

Upon his departure, I rechecked my sword-stick to verify that the cane, and the blade within it, were still functional.

I shall now look into the reports that Drumknott has accumulated during my absence from Ankh-Morpork. I shall enter my views resulting from the intelligence obtained from these into this Hex-account within another 24 hours. Following this pleasant exercise, I am hoping to meet Mr. Shine. There are some facets of the Roundworld which I shall surely understand better than I do at present consequent to a friendly discussion with him.

Wuffles is resting at the moment, and going by the movement of his feet, chasing either rats, or cats, or perhaps Sybil’s dragons, in his dreams.

I have received some curious reports that I must attend to as early as possible. However, I am going to be away from the city for the next 4, at the most 5, days, on an unavoidable visit ... to elsewhere.

I will look into the reports directly after I return. They appear to be reasonably straightforward on the first glance, but I fear that this is possibly an erroneous assumption on my part.

The imps seem to have gone to ground for the last few days. Which means that I may again make some use of paper memos till they surface again. However, I am choosing to enter my journal into my HEX-account, as I might need to consult these journal-entries in the future.

Ever since the initial ruckus created by the nano-imps petered off to nearly nothing, the city seems to be curiously peaceful in every other way.

Perhaps this is because the incident involving the cube that was capable of speech created a strange situation. The dwarfs are being quiet and so are the trolls. The humans, as is usual, are too occupied with their own affairs to pay much mind to situations of peace. It is only when matters begin to get out of hand that humans seem to notice that there is something happening that is out of the ordinary.

Mr. Stibbons tells me that the ‘portable HEX’ I requested that he develop for my exclusive use is nearing its completion. Apparently, he has to carry out some ‘test runs’ and ‘load’ a small skull into it before I am able to use it to my satisfaction.

Leonard tells me that a portable ‘HEX’ (he has named it ‘pH’ and Mr. Stibbons, who seems to be extremely in awe of Leonard, has followed suit) would be a very useful device indeed for working on his art. As a result, I have decided to request Mr. Stibbons to create a ‘pH’ for Leonard as well.

Mr. Shine (he prefers to be referred to as such) has returned from Koom Valley and seems to be carrying out a regular correspondence with the Low King ever since. Apparently, Rhys Rhysson has requested him to find out the most discreet dressmakers’ shop in the city.

However, while there are many dressmakers’ establishments in Ankh-Morpork, there are no discreet ones. I also fear Rhys Rhysson is consulting the wrong person as far as dwarven sartorial matters are concerned. He should have consulted our esteemed forensic expert of the Watch about dresses. Apparently, Ms. Sergeant Cherie (or perhaps Cheery) Littlebottom is also well versed in the use of cosmetics and something called a ‘range of beard conditioners’. Perhaps Mr. Shine might be persuaded to include a hint in his next letter.

The Alchemists seem to be busy with culinary experiments and Mr. Haystack has apparently created ‘the best open sandwich since the creation of the Disc’ --- according to Mr. Colon. I am afraid I must pay little or no attention to Mr. Colon’s announcements, because the very next free meal at All Jolson’s will have him eulogising that particular meal in similar terms.

I have received some interesting reports from various sources.
They deal with diverse matters, ranging from Cpl. Nobbs’ curious sartorial preferences, to concoctions for feminine ‘hair-dos’ and ‘beard-dos’.

Sir Samuel Vimes appears to be having difficulties in recording his valuable thoughts by using HEX. On the other hand, Sibyl seems extremely comfortable with the handling of the machine. Perhaps I might suggest to Sibyl that I assist Vimes the next time he approaches the machine, as I am now quite conversant with the operating of HEX.

Mr. Slant requested an interview, as did Downey, both of which I refused. Apparently, they consider that the audits carried out in their offices were improperly invasive of their professional privacy.

Captain Carrot, from all reports, seems to be somewhat worried, but this is very probably a regular phenomenon around the time of the full moon.

Sergeant Littlebottom, on the other hand, seems quite cheerful and is continuing her experiments with ‘conditioners’, ‘cosmetics’, ‘designer’ ceremonial axes, human-feminine apparel and high-heeled boots.

On a lighter note, Cpl. Nobbs seems to be quite unable to shake off his penchant for feminine attire ever since he returned from Klatch.
Also, ‘The Ankh-Morpork Times’ is currently a curiously fascinating read, as there are gaps in the place of all ‘a’-s. Drumknott suggested that I should retain these ‘a’-less ‘news-papers’ as curiosities.

Incidentally, Wuffles has had a satisfying meal today and is resting in his bed. He seemed to be in an exceptionally good temper all day today. Perhaps it was because of a pleasant lack of difficult visitors.

Surprisingly, he consented to be bathed in reasonably good humour and I believe this to have been a result of a sudden rise in the ambient temperature.

...

It appears that Mr. Stibbons is able to obtain 'ethereal' (... for want of a better word ; Mr. Stibbons assures me that he will do his utmost to find a suitable term for this phenomenon in the near future ...) contact with the Roundworld communication systems through HEX.

I had once been persuaded, in a weak moment, by an extremely enthusiastic Archchancellor (of the Unseen University), to agree to watch a Roundworld game called 'Cricket' (though Mr. Ridcully failed to explain to me adequately why a game played by apparently humans using 6 sticks of coloured wood, 4 small pieces of cylindrical pieces of wood, a small leathern globe (which according to Ridcully makes 'a handful of ball') and a flat piece of wood with an attached wooden handle should be called after an insect !) through something that is termed 'live-action-streaming' on HEX.

With the imps on rampage in most parts of the city, I deemed it wise to stay cloistered last night in the HEMB while attempting to go through the reports that have come to me so far written on paper, and it so happened that the time I spent there coincided with the Archchancellor's viewing of this 'cricket'. Again.

The Archchancellor was amusingly enthusiastic about the game, in which, most of the time, nothing seemed to happen.

He also insisted that the remaining faculty members of the University accompany him in watching the game, equipped with 'banged grains', 'raisins covered in chocolate', 'sausages in buns' and 'fizzy drinks'.

Needless to say, the few faculty-members who did turn up were yawning within 15 minutes of the commencement of the game and soon excused themselves by referring to the necessity of being able to conduct the following day's classes with a clear eye.

The entire business was very amusing, especially because nothing in the proceedings seemed to bear any threat towards the city.

By the time Ridcully was left alone in front of HEX, I had finished looking through the reports and once again, in a weak moment, I felt pity towards the man for his lack of company, as also for his clearly crestfallen demeanour at the lack of anyone to make conversation with.

Apparently, he bullies them so thoughtlessly that Mr. Stibbons and his research students invariably leave for their quarters for the night whenever Ridcully decides to watch this game on HEX.

So, as I had watched this game for a few days before last night (and hence am quite conversant with the processes that constitute this game), I joined him in front of HEX.

And then, I noticed something that engaged my curiosity.

It seems that some of the 'cricket'-players resemble some of our citizens rather closely in their physical features ; one even resembled a citizen of far-off Borogravia --- the estimable Lieutenant Blouse (I am told he has currently advanced to 'Major' now) who von Lipwig is presently consulting about something they term 'squeezing algorithm', for the 'clacks communication system'.

For example, one of them resembles Mr Ponder Stibbons -

,

another closely resembles Lt. Blouse -

,

and a third resembles Captain Ironfoundersson, though possessing dark brown hair instead of red -

.

The other interesting point was that while the physical resemblances of the Roundworld men with Mr. Stibbons, Major Blouse and Captain Ironfoundersson are extremely close, there are almost no similarities at all in the temperaments of the resembling beings.

Possibly this has something to do with the lack of magic on Roundworld. I shall ask Ridcully to think about possible explanations when he finally stops pointing his staff at all and sundry and shouting 'Howzzat !' at inappropriate moments, such as when the Librarian is concentratedly peeling a banana, or when the dwarf gardener at the University is spreading manure on the rose-beds.


Signed - Havelock Vetinari (at am_city_watch)

...

This is my HEX-journal.

Mr. Stibbons assisted me greatly in opening this.

Wuffles is currently fast asleep in his basket.


- Havelock Vetinari. (am_city_watch)

As of this moment, I shall post this from an 'account' of Mr. Ponder Stibbons, following which, he will explain the process of opening a 'HEX-account' for myself which I shall subsequently use for these posts. As you will see from my list of memos, I am quite busy today, and therefore I shall proceed with the opening of my 'HEX-account' in the quiet of the night.

Therefore, my post goes as follows :-

Nano imps. Another new thing in the city. Vaccuous Haystack, or was that Vacuous Haystack ? The Alchemists Guild have no idea of the results of their experiments ; not even the likely possibilities : which is sometimes very vexing. I always keep in mind that business with the films they created.

Mental memos to self.

Mental memos because paper-memos might turn into something animated and fly away. While merely losing them wouldn’t worry me, the fact that these might fall into certain enterprising people’s hands does worry me. Enterprising people include von Lipwig, Mr. Slant, and Downey, among others.

Well, then, the memos.

1 – Consult Leonard as soon as possible, about imps, nano or otherwise. Preferably, after a discussion with the Archchancellor.

2 – Send verbal request to the Archchancellor through Drumknott to join me in the garden around mid-morning for a pleasant little chat, about imps, and sundry other things.

3 – Perhaps discuss with that interestingly intelligent young man, Mr. Stibbons, the possibility of creating a portable HEX for my personal use, because, that magical machine seems to have remained entirely unaffected by the imps. From what I had been told by the young man, I shall be able to keep both my diary and memos in it, and can arrange that they remain unaccessible to everyone but me.

4 – Arrange for de Worde to publicise this matter of imps as well as he can, as the city must be warned.

5 – Meet my gentlemanly adamantine friend. He would be able to tell me how the imps are affecting the troll-population.

6 – Perhaps arrange for a careful warm comfortable bath for Wuffles. And also, perhaps, a change of bedding.

7 – Verify that my cane, and the blade within it, are still functional. On one hand, the imps may have affected it ; on the other, the blade may have been blunted by long disuse.

8 – Send word to the Captain to ask him to give a message to Samuel Vimes to come over to the oblong office at five twenty-five PM. I shall require to discuss with him how this latest matter of imps are affecting the dwarfs, the undead population, the gnomes, the zombies …

9 – Inquire after Drumknott’s mother’s current state of health.

10 – If time permits, look into backgrounds of the exceptionally surprising alchemists, to see if said backgrounds are useful in explaining their mental constitutions.

(from http://community.livejournal.com/am_city_watch/1083.html)

I wonder if my own HEX-account, olivegreengarb might be approved for membership ?

I would also like to thank Mr. Stibbons for kindly allowing me to use his HEX-account yet again to post this request here.

signed - Havelock Vetinari

(from http://community.livejournal.com/am_city_watch/1783.html)

...

Nano imps. Another new thing in the city. Vaccuous Haystack, or was that Vacuous Haystack ? The Alchemists Guild have no idea of the results of their experiments ; not even the likely possibilities : which is sometimes very vexing. I always keep in mind that business with the films they created.

Mental memos to self.

Mental memos because paper-memos might turn into something animated and fly away. While merely losing them wouldn’t worry me, the fact that these might fall into certain enterprising people’s hands does worry me. Enterprising people include von Lipwig, Mr. Slant, and Downey, among others.

Well, then, the memos.

1 – Consult Leonard as soon as possible, about imps, nano or otherwise. Preferably, after a discussion with the Archchancellor.

2 – Send verbal request to the Archchancellor through Drumknott to join me in the garden around mid-morning for a pleasant little chat, about imps, and sundry other things.

3 – Perhaps discuss with that interestingly intelligent young man, Mr. Stibbons, the possibility of creating a portable HEX for my personal use, because, that magical machine seems to have remained entirely unaffected by the imps. From what I had been told by the young man, I shall be able to keep both my diary and memos in it, and can arrange that they remain unaccessible to everyone but me.

4 – Arrange for de Worde to publicise this matter of imps as well as he can, as the city must be warned.

5 – Meet my gentlemanly adamantine friend. He would be able to tell me how the imps are affecting the troll-population.

6 – Perhaps arrange for a careful warm comfortable bath for Wuffles. And also, perhaps, a change of bedding.

7 – Verify that my cane, and the blade within it, are still functional. On one hand, the imps may have affected it ; on the other, the blade may have been blunted by long disuse.

8 – Send word to the Captain to ask him to give a message to Samuel Vimes to come over to the oblong office at five twenty-five PM. I shall require to discuss with him how this latest matter of imps are affecting the dwarfs, the undead population, the gnomes, the zombies …

9 – Inquire after Drumknott’s mother’s current state of health.

10 – If time permits, look into backgrounds of the exceptionally surprising alchemists, to see if said backgrounds are useful in explaining their mental constitutions.